I’ve got a spot of cognitive dissonance about Brunei; on the one hand, I’m pretty sure there’s no point going unless you’re doing something as stupid as trying to tick off countries from a list … but on the other hand … well, I ended up having a fine old time in Brunei.
I think that was mostly due to my brilliant guide, who had the unenviable task of showing me round a dry country during Eid al-Adha, i.e. no bars, and most of the country was closed for the holiday. But I had a great boat ride in the mangroves, saw a fantastic fireflies display, loads of monkeys, an amazing sunset, and ate some wonderful and unusual food (those two being mutually exclusive). But it also has to be said that one of the most interesting things about Brunei was crossing the border to Malaysia for a slap-up boozy dinner on the second night.
The country was interesting and boring, the hotel was amazing and disappointing, the people were incredibly welcoming and spectacularly inhospitable, and the food was both fantastic and quite dreadful. Cognotive dissonance.
Kampong Ayer – 40,000 people live in this water village.I can’t remember if this is the one I was asked to leave, or the one I wasn’t allowed in.Ladies and Gentlemen – the saddest sight in the world: a swim up bar in a dry country.Portable martini kit – made for trips to places like Brunei, where you’re only allowed a cheeky gin if you’re a non-Muslim in the privacy of your own hotel room.The police station in the water village.Thank you for not putting your shoes on the stairs.The Empire Hotel & Country Club. A 6 star hotel no less. The staff were great, the rooms were roomy, it had pools and beaches and a lagoon and a golf course … but there was still just something not quite right about it that I can’t put my finger on …Breakfast of champions. And it was very much needed; I wasn’t expecting such a cracking hangover on holiday in a dry country.It’s not all mosques and museums and trips to Malaysia, there are mangroves and monkeys and firefly displays.The Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin Mosque at night.Bowl of Ambuyat – traditional Bruneian fare. It’s like tapioca starch with a fermented durian dip. You gotta try new food you’ve never had. (The chicken satay and rice back up meal is just out of shot.)Ooh Madam, we’ve upgraded you to a seaview room. Digger at no extra charge.Sneaking out to a Malaysian frontier town for a proper drink. Fern salad and chicken arse skewers to soak up the whiskey and beer.Royal Brunei Airways – telling it like it is.
cheeky gin travels 
What an incredible place!!
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In every sense of the word!
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